trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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