Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
