apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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