I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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