ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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