She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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