i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
