We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
