Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize