Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
