I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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