your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
