Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
