I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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