i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
is it fun? or sober?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
