people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
