the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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