I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
