she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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