he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
