But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think my moral compass just broke
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
