that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
