she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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