she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
