shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
