Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize