Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
