In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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