So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
