I'm going to jail i love you
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
