I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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