I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Watching her eat just hurts me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
