why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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