i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
