I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Damn victory sex feels great
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
