shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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