This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Someone came in the potted fern
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
