Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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