I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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