We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Alive.
So much puke
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
