Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
