I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So squirting runs in the family.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
