He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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