Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Randomize
