I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
