He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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