So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
