I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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