I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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