yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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