my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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