I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
