Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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