Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
