I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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