did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
