there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
