So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
