I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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