She said her name was "party"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
