So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize