Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize