omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
