How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
