Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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