dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
