Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
