id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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