You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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