My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
